19 October 2011 Ride: Shades of Gray

It's a complex world we live in with nothing being completely black and white even when that seems to be the case.  It was clear that today I would run errands, go to Community Meals, squeeze in a bike ride and cook chili and corn bread before going to massage Joe.  Still hanging over the day, just as it did yesterday and the day before, was the self-inflicted death of our friend.

A very windy day and a bit chilly with the wind chill putting the temperature in the low 40s.  I knew once I was out on the bike I would be fine but it can take some doing dragging myself out there when I'm tired and the wind is howling.

I was hoping I might be able to get in 30 miles with the time I had allotted but the wind had different ideas as I was reduced to going just 6-7mph at times on straightaways. 

 News came out about our friends death that clarified why he would take his own life but had us in shock all over again.  When disturbing news is revealed about someone, many times I wonder about the past as I feel that there had to have been something traumatic in one's past life to cause certain present behavior.  All our lives are a mixture of blacks and whites and we hope that the light outshines our dark sides.  Sometimes no matter how much light shines, a buried dark side just becomes too much to bear. 

I was ready to head back for home at mile 20 but I finally got a wind (I can't say I got a second wind as I never felt as if I had an initial wind) and I pushed on for a couple of more miles.  As I was riding I felt a lightness; the heavy overcast of the past three days seemed to lift.  I had a sense that the news today revealing our friends past, which he had kept so well buried, was a welcome relief to him, wherever he was.  He saw that perhaps people were still able to reach out to him and help fill his darkness with light.  There was a sense that after all these years of being in anguish and fighting his demons he was finally finding some peace.

I found myself spearing through the wind and tacking on another couple of miles to reach a happy compromise of 25.

Today's Ride:  2hrs 15mins  25.11 miles.  48°-50°  15 - 25, 30 mph wind.  Miles YTD:  7,591.56

Number of miles per day needed to reach 10,000 miles by the end of the year: 32.99

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